Argh, Matey!

Avast! It's dread Caption Kieran! He's a mean old salt.

Happy Dancing

Here is Kieran doing our happy dance. We do our happy dance to celebrate all the big ("I got a client!") and not so big ("We're having nachos for dinner!") victories in our life. And, if like seems to need just a tiny moment of shininess, I call out for a victory dance seemingly at random. The only rule is, everyone must comply. I'm a real hardass.

Yikes!

I have my first client interview today.

I'm woefully underrprepared.

What the heck do you say?

Gahhhhhh!

Reason Why My Kid Rocks #8649

He says complimentary things to his mama.

Me: Aren't you lucky to have a mum who can do lots of things? [I helped Kieran zip a bag that holds his toys.]
Kieran: Mum, you is a doula. [Kieran is picking up toy pieces and putting them in the partially zipped bag.]
Me: Why, yes I am a doula!
Kieran: You is the greatest doula on the pla-dent, Mum.
Me: Thank you, Kieran. You're the greatest kid on the planet.

Uneasy Feeling

So, this morning, after spending virtually the entire night tossing and turning, I got out of bed and got Kieran some breakfast. Feeling far too strung out to bother making myself even my ritual cup of tea, I sat myself down heavily in front of the computer and fired up all the usual pages: Gmail, Bloglines (where I monitor over 100 wonderful websites for new and interesting content), All Doulas (where I hang out with other doulas and where I had recently made a few controversial remarks - I should probably write a post about my habit of making sudden controversial remarks) and Too Much Free Time ( a very small TV forum where I follow along with the Big Brother comments).

After a little while of email checking, blog reading and typing up the aforementioned controversial comments (aren't you just getting so damned curious?), I noticed a sensation in my belly.

At first I thought it was gas. Paying closer attention, it didn't feel like gas, after all. Then I realised that after a few hours, I hadn't eated a single thing, not even water. It was probably my bowel freaking out from having nothing to process.

It was a weird sensation. It was a lot like a muscle spasm. Every few moments there was a fluttering of the muscles in my lower abdomen, right in the center, about halfway between my belly button and my bush. It must be a muscle spasm.

After lunch, the sensation was still going on. Very weird! I'd eaten, had a bowel movement, used my abdominal muscles to stand and sit and play with Kieran. We walked to the grocery store and back and still! Still this spasming in my belly.

I've had muscle spasms before. Lots of times. I get them in my leg or arm or even on my face, just under my eye. Generally, if I change the way the muscle is situated or if I flex the muscle, the spasm goes away. This spasm wasn't going away.

Where was it? Was it in my bowels? My abs? My uterus? It felt like it was in the very centre of me. Pretty soon, I realised that I knew this feeling. I knew it so well, and had treasured it like a kind of morse code message from my unborn son to me: it felt exactly like the kind of kicking a baby got up to between months 3 and 7, before the baby got so big it's elbows were lodging in ribs.

But, I've been bleeding like clockwork. And I dont' feel especially tired or tender and my boobs look exactly the same as they have for about a year now. I don't have any food aversions - in fact, I feel like I've been less picky about food in the last few weeks. I don't think I'm pregnant, I don't feel it inside me.

But it does feel like there is some temporary visitor inside me trying to say hello.

Has anyone else ever experienced something like this?

Friends

It is fate that you will be friends when your mothers are both knitters!

It's a good thing they're only 3 years old and don't realise that the real reason they get together is not so they can have a playdate but so their moms can have a knitdate!

For the last few months I have been watching Claire two afternoons a week. Here are the two sharing a cuddly moment!

Doctor Who?

Have I told you about Kieran's Doctor Who obsession?

Not really?

Well, my 3 year old is OBSESSED with Doctor Who. Absolutely and totally obsessed! His passion for Doctor Who is second only to his passion for breathing air and eating Smarties.

It all started innocently enough. When the CBC aired the "new" Doctor Who, way back in early 2005 (I think it was shown within a week of the BBC broadcast in England and may have even run within a day of each other), Kieran wasn't even 2 years old yet.

With regards to media exposure, Sean and I have made parenting decisions from a twin platform that:

1. Children don't know what to be afraid of until they are conditioned to be afraid of things, and,
2. Children should be a part of their parents lifestyles, insofar as those lifestyles are otherwise healthy and happy.

With this in mind, Kieran was always exposed to the kind of media Sean and I love: loud indie music, heavy metal, punk, science fiction, monster movies, old cartoons, comic books, Lebanese and Indian foods and Katamari Damacy (PS2 video game) and all manner of other things not at all babyish.

We never ever teased him with ideas of "boogeymen" and whenever the idea of monsters surfaced, we always talked about how monsters don't exist. "Monsters! I don't believe in monsters! I laugh at monsters!" I always said with exagerated bravado, encouraging Kieran to laugh away the monsters that existed only in his imagination.

It seemed to follow that with the exposure to science fiction and b-movie monsters that watching Doctor Who would be just more of the same. When it was on TV, we grabbed a snack and some water, cuddled up on the couch and settled in for a watch. Sometimes Kieran fell asleep before the end of the show and sometimes just after.

Not long ago, Sean came home with the DVD box set of the "first" season of the "new" Doctor Who. Again, we got some snacks, water and blankets and settled in to watch the show. This time, however, something different happened.

As I folded laundry the next day, Kieran used a cylinder and a car and pretended they were the TARDIS and a Dalek. "Eck-ter-mi-nay! Eck-ter-mi-nay!" he croaked over and over in a passable approximation of a Dalek's voice.

"Mummy, Mummy, look! It da TARDIS! And Rose Tywer and the Doctow Who!" He told me excitedly. "Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh! Look Mummy, the TARDIS is flying in outer space. It travel in time and space!"

I told Sean and pretty soon, we were renting DVDs of the old series from the library. Sean won some old Doctor Who Magazines on eBay from a chap in England. Kieran came home from an evening out with Doctor Who comic books. At night, as we lay side-by-side in the dark Kieran no longer asked for stories about trains and buses; now he told me, "I wan talk bout da TARDIS." I found myself doing guided visualisations with Kieran in the hopes of relaxing him for sleep, only instead of talking about relaxing his muscles, I used my yoga voice to help him visualiSe walking into the TARDIS. "Tell me bout da TARDIS, Mummy!"

Every night when we decided what we would do with our family time, watching Doctor Who was brought up. Some days Kieran was in tears if he couldn't watch his favourite Slitheen episodes (Aliens of London, World War Three). "But Kieran, sometimes Mummy doesn't want to watch Doctor Who all night long. Sometimes she wants to watch Big Brother All Stars!"

I'm thinking of digging out a freezer paper stencil tutorial and makING a few Dalek t-shirts for Kieran while he sleeps. I'd bet he'd pee his pants with joy - that is, if he didn't already have a diaper on and pee in his pants all day long anyway.

I'm almost Doctor Who'd out. Then, just last night, I discovered the coolest little video diaries by the cast and crew all over the box set. So, I'll have something interesting to watch for the next few weeks.

And, then, there are those moments, like this morning, when Kieran's love of the Time Lord, the Doctor of legend, makes my heart melt. As he sat on the kitchen floor playing with a Tonka forklift, he sang the melody of the Doctor Who theme music. Funny little man!

Mix your own Doctor Who Theme Music with the Radiophonatron. Check out the OO-EE-OO sound on the bottom of the screen for the melody that Kieran was singing.

Wanna See Something Cool?

The otherr day, I vented my frustration about trying to get my professional website up and running. My problem was that the provider I'd chosen required a credit card to pay for their services. Even when they offered non-credit payment options, they required a credit card to back up the payment.

I felt so sad when I discovered I'd be unable to put my website online. I was angry and frustrated, too. It was a good thing that I whined about it because Dana from Miserable Bliss gave me some wonderful news.

Dana told me about a local web services provider based right here in Hamilton. As a bonus, this company was run by two women.

I emailed them with a Sales Inquiry. By the end of the day liquidesign.ca had bought me a domain and promised to send me the rest of my account info in the morning.

So, you wanna see something cool?

www.hamiltonbirthrevolution.com

Starting The Day Off Right!

As we said good bye to Sean this morning, he picked Kieran up in his arm and gave him a kiss. Kieran put one arm around his daddy's neck and with the other arm, reached out to me and pulled me into a family hug. We each kissed each other, saying "I love you," quietly and sincerely.

Kieran said, with gravity and tenderness, "You are my family. We have the greatest family."

Well, does it get any better than that?

You Know What's Been Missing 'Round Here Lately?

Kieran!

A Life Well Lived?

Bold the ones you've done.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (a lake, actually)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run (Does it count if it was mostly due to errors?)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie (I was an extra on a film once 17 years ago, but I have no idea what movie it was. However, I have been in a music video. A couple, even.)
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents (OK, technically, this parent was my husband's.)
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (If by "Wild Mushrooms" you mean psilocybin that you bought from a friend when you were 18, then yes, I have!)
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life

I found this one over at Knitting In The North. It was interesting and I thought this blog could use a bit less of the mopeyness.

I'm a little surprised at how many I've done! Does that mean I've lived a full life? There are definitely ones that I've done that are pretty out of the ordinary that I'd love to add to the list, but you'd have to get me boozed up first, I think.

If you give this a try, leave your link in the comments!

eta: see item 117

The Modern World Frustrates Me

That's my website. Nice? I thought so.

I've been working on it for the last month. The last week and a half, I've been working all day long on it. I mean, it represents my main marketing effort. So, it has to be good.

For the most part, the website was intended to bring in the bulk of my Doula business, especially in the beginning. In fact, I'm pretty sure there is a study somewhere that shows that having a website is integral to starting a business like mine.

Yesterday, I completed 90% of the website and I was ready for it to go live. I'd sourced out a domain name and a web hosting package that was perfect for me. Mostly because it was so cheap. And, here is the clincher, it was payable through PayPal!

Finding a web service that is payable by PayPal is important becasue Sean and I do not have credit cards. In a triple whammy of not wanting to pay someone else 17% interest to buy things, not have a friendly credit report at the moment that prevents of us from having a credit card and understanding that if we had a credit card we would never be able to control our spending and therefore have an even worse credit rating! So, when I look to purchase services, I have to find a non-credit card option.

And GoDaddy.com said that I could pay for my approx. $50 purchase. I had more than that in my PayPal account. I've been trying to sell a few things on eBay in order to get that PayPal money. I've been resisting, with every fibre of my body, buying beautiful yarns on eBay so that I can retain enough money to pay for my website domain and hosting.

So, yesterday. I was practically humming with excitement as I clicked through all the options of the GoDaddy.com website. Domain name, basic hosting, private registration and then my coupon code for 10% off. I clicked on the PayPal option when asked for my payment choice. I'm taken to a page where I have to confirm that PayPal is indeed the payment option of choice. I click again and then I hit the wall.

The credit card wall.

While clicking through to authorise the payment there is a pre-authorised payment agreement that says, basically, that if GoDaddy.com takes out my payment and there are insufficient funds in my PayPal account they can take the money out of a credit card or other funding source and if all else fails they'll charge me a $29 NSF fee.

I was confused. And I was starting to feel a little sick to my stomach.

Why offer PayPal if you have to use your credit card?

I immediately called the billing department (not a 1-800 number, so I have to pay for the call) and asked if it was true I had to pay, ultimately, with a credit card? Yes, it was true.

How frustrating! How demoralising!

So, I'm not sure when I'll be able to get my website up. And since my website is virtually my entire marketing campaign, and I know that when online consumers are comparing two businesses they will 90% of the time go with the business that has a website, not having a website pretty much equates with no clients.

So, I made a few financial mistakes in my past and I'm going to pay for it forever. I suppose I should get a CV together and just walk down to McDonalds, because that looks to be about what my job prospects are limited to.

Guardian Unlimited Arts | Arts news | Syd Barrett dies aged 60

Guardian Unlimited Arts | Arts news | Syd Barrett dies aged 60
Dear, sweet Syd has shuffled off this mortal coil. May he be free of the demons that haunted his life.

I'm Stunned!

So, after Googling another local wrter's name, I decide to indulge in a little vanity Googling. I was curious to see what anyone researching my name online might find.

The results were both typical and really freaky. Good freaky.

I started off Googling my married name and was greeted with pretty much what I expected: fairly recent writing and post on other sites.

When I Googled my maiden name, things started off normally. I publish my restaurant reviews under my maiden name, mostly because my husband also writes for the same newspaper. Those reviews and a couple of my feature stories popped up predictably. So did a link to an old story about an Alt.Society.Gen-X event in Toronto that I attended and was photographed at.

Then, I noticed something a little weird. My 2005 feature story on Podcasting, which got reprinted in two regional arts papers in Ontario, was listed on a required reading list. After some digging and examining cached-only files, it turns out the reading list was for a university course!

My little story about Podcasting ended up as required reading for the Wilfrid Laurier University Sociology of Mass Communications class (CS 308C) taught in Winter 2005 by Professor Derek Hrynyshyn.

It was by no means the only required reading for the class, but none the less, my writing was used as a teaching aid for a third year university class!

I'm a more than a little stunned!

Where Are You, Mamaloo?

Yes, the writing has been pretty sparse around here. That's due in great part becasue last week, I went to The Farm in Summertown Tennessee for a weekend long doula workshop. I got to hang out with author and midwife extrordinairre Ina May Gaskin. I also got to hang with a large group of very cool, deeply inspiring women.

I think I've finally processed what happened on that transformative weekend. I'm going to tell you about it, but first, I have some business to attend to.

As I've been talking about, I'm launching a doula business. Now that I have my trainings under my belt (postpartum doula training via CAPPA in April '06 and labour doula training via DONA and The Farm in June '06), I need to get my website up and running and get biz cards with my web address on them printed.

So, while my life has been exceptionally busy and a little scary lately, I haven't forgotten you, gentle readers. It should only be a few more days before I feel like I have my feet back under me.