GOING CRAZY

I'm not slowly going crazy, I'm going crazy at faster than light speed.

It is two full weeks since my niece joined us.

So, here I am in the fifth week of a heatwave (no air conditioning) where the days start out so hot that I can't even take the kids to the park at 8:30am without breaking into an unbearable sweat (I am allergic to the sun and suffer heat exhaustion extremely easily). We've been couped up inside the apartment for so many days that when Sean gets home from work, it's like ecstasy to climb into the hot car (again, no air conditioning) and be driven around for 10 minutes.

I feel like crying and hiding in bed. If it was just Kierran and I, I could nap on the sofa while he watched Mighty Machines or something, but the niece is constantly into stuff that Kieran long ago learned were off limits. She also has a nasty habit of picking up small objects off the floor, or whereever they're found, and putting them in her mouth to suck on. I can't tell you how many car wheels I've extracted from her maw.

Kieran is so fed up with the niece's interference in his life, he thinks nothing of hitting her at every turn. I try to discipline against that behaviour, but the kid is pushed beyond his current limits.

I feel extremely unhinged. I desperately wish I didn't. I consider it a major personal failing that I feel this way. I have had to re-examine any further attempts to become pregnant because of this experience.

There is a vibration running through this home that sets my teeth on edge when the niece is here, in these circumstances. I cannot seem to relax. I can't focus enough to accomplish anything. I don't feel any motivation to do anything.

And, it's now raining quite hard, so I can't possibly take two toddlers out in a wagon to do anything, not even go to the store for a few badly needed supplies. Like, chocolate and pop and chips and chef-boy-ar-dee tinned ravioli and other things I shouldn't eat but can't seem to stop obsessing about.

Sometimes being a mom is really, really hard.

Mr. Yummy Pants

Kaysar Ridha,
originally uploaded by momcast.

There is a new Mr. Hottie Pants on TV and his name is Kaysar.

Kaysar is this week's Head Of Household on CBS's Big Brother 6 US. He is also a total outcast, a graphic designer, Mulism, tall and yummy like a strawberry sundae!

Thanks to the fine folks at TVClubHouse for the screen cap.

dooce: Happy Birthday, Mama!

dooce: The past is beautiful like the darkness between the fireflies

I just want to send out warm wishes for a wonderful happy birthday to Heather Armstrong, aka dooce. Yesterday she celebrated her 30th birthday.

While I can't claim to be in her league, Heather has inspired me to blog and to blog with brutal honesty.

Thanks for being you, Heather!

Cranky Mommy, Cranky Babies

We are now five weeks into a heatwave. Casa Momcast has no air conditioning and I think our two fans have been running non-stop for over a week! Holy Mary, Mother of Gawd! It is fucking hot and I'm either going to gain even more weight consuming hershey kisses (left over from the wedding) and any other sweet thing I can get my chubby paws on to soother my frayed soul, or I will be found quivering in the shower stall crying uncontrollably.

To make matters worse, the niece's separation anxiety has kicked into high gear. Of the 12 or so hours she has spent awake, she has sobbed, screamed or whined through about 10 of them. All of a sudden she will begin sobbing inconsolably.

There is little I can do to soothe her, though I try. She is eating a lot of fruit leather as I gift to her my unhealthy self-soothing habits: consume, consume, consume!

At random moments during the day today I have burst into song, shouted incoherently and lead goofy toddler excercise routines (which involve mostly reaching up, reaching down and wiggling various body parts).

Hey, btw, thanks to everyone who has commented or emailed during this trying time. I feel bouyed by your support.

So, what completely dork-ass things do you do to entertain cranky kids when travel is out of the question?

Two, Two, Two Kids Instead of One

Today I woke up with very little juice left in my jug. It's been such a long friggin week and I'm feeling physically and emothionally worn out.

I didn't want anyone to touch me today.

I also didn't want anyone climbing on me, hitting me, slapping me, kneeing me, pinching me, biting me, head-butting me, whining at me, screaming at me, screaming and whining near me, splashing their milk on me.

In addition, I didn't want to be told "no", "don't" and "shush" by a toddler.

I wanted to watch tv shows that I chose.

I wanted to read for a while.

I wanted to eat lunch, or at least eat it with a few hours of lunchtime.

Me, I'm just here feeling like someone took my stuffing out and replaced my brain with rocks. I have been snappy with my son and husband, who definately don't deserve this side of me.

I have unhappily discovered that Russell Stover No Sugar Added Peanut Butter Crunch bars are too few to soothe my anxiety. I may hit the liquor tonight. I frequently ask Sean if I can start smoking again, but he keeps saying no.

Oh, did I mention that last night Kieran puked twice. He puked two huge man-sized pukes. The first was all over himself and his chair and the second was all over himself and his dad, whose chest he'd been resting on. Each of the pukes was followed by an episode of diarhea, the second of which was again executed while lying on his dad's chest and therefore the vintage GBV tee was covered in water straight from Kieran's bowels! Wheee!

We're having a great week!

Oh, and did I further mention that I got married last Friday? Well, I did. Some fucking honeymoon this is.

And that's when all hell broke loose: PalmCast

PalmCast

We have become podcasters! It's finally offical. Sean and I have begun a podcast called PalmCast.

The first episode is not so grea tand we haven't yet settled on a regular format or publishing schedule, but if you enjoy this blog, odds are you'll at least find an occaisional podcast interesting.

BTW, in case you thought blogging was the "in" thing, podcasting is the future. Imagine radio made by interesting friends and posted online as mp3s. You download the mp3 and listen to it on a mobile audio device or a computer or a magical gadget.

So, go! And don't forget to tell me what you think!

Wedding Tales Postponed

So, the wedding was Friday.

Saturday was spent running errands and looking for a couch and a bed frame.

Sunday was spent at an annual family picnic.

Monday was spent buying a couch and a bedframe.

Monday night was spent brokering the custody of my niece Kait.

Yes, less than 24 hours ago my family swelled from one child to two.

Kieran is 27 months old and smack in the middle of his selfish phase where he cannot allow anyone to play with his toys. Luckily, he is the easiest child to take care of: he communicates well and he follows instructions.

Kait is 17 months old and is a bit emotionally needy. She doesn't communicate very effectively, won't even indicate a yes or no preference (which Kieran was definately doing by her age). It's going to be a bit hard. I have no idea what her routines are around sleeping, so I'm a little bit screwed on that front.

Tomorrow we will be going to the Children's Aid Society and transferring guardianship officially, or at least getting the ball officially rolling.

Wish me luck!

P.S. We are not taking custody of my niece permanently. We are merely helping my little sis who is feeling a little Dooce-y lately. And, just like most of us love Dooce dearly and never judged her for what she lived through, I am not judgeing my little sis for what she's going through.

P.P.S. Thank goodness! The baby is napping, now for Kieran! Any mothers of two kids, please give me some advice!

And The Bride Goes Marching On...

It is 1:33am EDT. I am about to start chopping vegetables (celery, cucumbers, green peppers) and fruit (pineapple) and cheese (cheddar, mozz) and make couscous salad. I have just finally finished making two bouquets (and I think I like my maid of honour's bouquet better than mine) 6 boutinierres and 4 corsages (which are really just boutinierres themselves but they are a single Gerbera Daisy with Lisianthus leaves and fern whereas the boutinierres are a single Rose with fern).

I really should get some sleep soon.

London Calling

I just wanted to send out some good vibes London-way. Our friends who live in the city have all checked in OK. Sean and I are very sad and concerned. I hope your London family and friends are safe.

Parade Of Hotness

Watching The Who perform at Live8 reminded me of my numero uno crush, Pete Townsend. Just look at this picture! He looks like a Roman sculpture! Look at those eyes!

This is Joe Flanigan from Stargate: Atlantis. I talked about him in a previous post. Let me just add: YUM!
I've always thought Kevin Smith was a hottie. He's got gentle, intelligent eyes and whenever I hear him speak (like the night I happily stayed up for three hours from 2am to 5am nursing Kieran and watching "An Evening With Kevin Smith") I always think that he's a physical manifestation of my inner guy.

I talk all about Dallas Good on my abandoned blog Crush. He is a fantastic musician, whose skills (solo, as a member of The Sadies, and in conjunction with his brother Travis Good) as sought out by many musicians (like Elevator, Neko Case, John Langford of The Mekons and Robyn Hitchcock - to name a few).
Finally, the real Hottie McHotster in my life is the man I'm marrying in a couple of days.
Let me tell you a little about Sean: Even though I am a total nutter, and not in a good way, he has already stood by me for 6 1/2 years and is marrying me on Friday. He is gentle and caring and he is the person you want with you when the shit starts flying. He is funnier than he thinks he is and more appealing than he knows. I am a lucky woman to tie my ship up in his harbour.

Oh, and he has these sexy eyes that could melt lead, which is not nescessarily as useful a tool as you'd think - but, lead, that's heavy meltification!

CLUTZ!

I'm getting married on Friday.

I broke my baby toe today.

I'm having trouble walking.

I think I'm am officially screwed.